Thursday, May 19, 2011

Afro Romance

         Lately, I've been feeling like I have the sex appeal of Rosie O'Donnell after a large meal. I don't know what it is about Dallas but I have been failing miserably at any attempt to get any action. I suppose the problem is that I have not been pursuing any romantic endeavours. My friends Shoniqua and Evangeline have recently found a fantastic website to alleviate this Texan problem entitled Match.com! Between the two of them, I'm pretty sure every single man in the state has paid for either one of their drinks at some point within the last few months. In fact, Evangeline has found a true life partner on the website; we'll call him. The two of them have been nothing but peas in a pod since the moment they met over cyberspace nearly 6 months ago. I'm very happy for the two of them but it's only making me feel worse about the never-ending dry season in my underpants. So, I decided after being frustrated with my lack of sexual endeavours that it was high time to pursue my own online dating adventure. However, I did not want to take a trip down the Match.com lane, but rather find another website that would accommodate my specific needs. After a long time searching, I have found the Mecca of online dating websites. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you: AFROROMANCE!

        I actually came to first find out about Afroromance.com through this very blog. You see, I've signed up for a program called AdSense which displays a series of advertisements on the right column of the screen next to my blog, as you can see. I have no control over the nature of the ads that are put up. However, the subject of the advertisements are not done at random. Apparently with AdSense, it picks up keywords from each blog entry that I write which determines the appropriate type of ad to correlate next to it. This allows the reader to be more likely to be interested in the ad and actually click on it because it will have something to do with the subject of the blog in which he or she is reading. This is normally an incredibly effective tool to get people to purchase the products attached to such links, however the one thing AdSense did not take into consideration was sarcasm. People, such as myself, whom write blogs constantly with a facetious tone can end up striking up keywords that bring up advertisements such as Afroromance.com. When I found this out, of course it tickled me to NO end! So here's the deal.....

       Afroromance is an interracial dating website where people of all ethnicities post a profile clearly displaying their own ethnicity and the race of the person of whom they would like to do the horizontal mambo with. When you first click on the link it brings you to a homepage with a BROWN background! The slogan is "Afro Romance - Where love is more than skin deep?". Bullshit! Right below that line it says "Interracial Dating Only!" Are you kidding me? How can love only be skin deep when you specifically offer a service that hooks up White people with the nearest chocolate sensation within 100 yards? Within my complete disbelief of such a horrific yet hideously entertaining website, I had no choice but to set up my free profile. Here's what I came up with....

                                                       
A Great Catch Seeks Mildly Attractive Women
Nickname: Brown and Thin
Location: Dallas, Texas
Age: 24
I am a: Man/Woman
Looking for a: Woman Aged 18 - 99
Relationship Seeking: Long-Term
Eye Color: Depends on the Lighting
Hair Color: The carpet does not match the rug
Height: Taller than Jesus
Body Type: Disabled
My ethnicity is: Asian, Black (African descent), Black (Non African Descent), Pacific Islander, Caucasian (European Descent), Indian, Hispanic, Native American, Other
Religion: Jewish
Education: Hooked on Phonics
Drinking behavior: Regularly
Relationship Status: Undecided
Have Children: Unsure
Want Children: Depends if I have any already
Languages: Japanese and Hebrew
Occupation: Unemployed
Starsign: Scorpio (I'm Jewish so technically I don't believe in that shit)
My Personality
Ideally I would live in a: Tent in the woods
My fashion sense is: Homosexual
My sense of humor is: Obscure and Offensive
When I go to parties I: Drink myself and others into a stupor
On a day off, I enjoy: Napping
I attend religious services: Involuntarily
When it comes to work: I'm drunk

How Would You Describe Yourself?
I am an incredibly thin person with a glowing tan. I am a very charismatic and dynamic individual and completely Herpes free. Ladies, send me a message if you want to get with this.

What Am I Looking For?
I'm looking for someone who is attractive yet does not outshine my own personal radiance. My personal preference for skin tone is Taupe or Eggshell, as this compliments the Gingerbread hue of my tan the best at this moment.




           For some strange reason, I am yet to receive any responses from my profile! This is absurd. Clearly, I am an AMAZING catch! However, I was slightly disturbed as I was creating my profile. It was obvious from the title of the website that it would be required of me to disclose my ethnicity. However, I did not realize that AfroRomance had very specific definitions for the different races. If you describe yourself as "Black" you are required to indicate whether you are of "African" or "non-African" descent. First of all, last time I checked ALL Black people are of African descent one way or the other. Secondly, are people's vaginas actually off limits to certain ethnicities. I understand that we all have our preferences but to be so blatant about it is rather disturbing to me. Ultimately, you can date whomever who choose but if you're the kind of person that requires a geneology test be performed before we do the naked hokey pokey than I would rather not see what's underneath your Yamaka.

                                                           

1 comment:

  1. Thanks...this just made my day!!

    ReplyDelete