Saturday, May 28, 2011

A Rude Awakening!

         Apparently there are no more need for alarm clocks. Just simply have a Black roommate move out of your apartment and you will be sure to be up at all hours unnecessarily. So here's the deal. I (at 9:30am) SHOULD be asleep on this Saturday morning. However, clearly I am not. I have left my apartment to go down to the community computer room to angrily strike away at these keys ad nauseum. Here's why! I was rudely awoken this morning to a sound so startling that I nearly had to throw my sheets in the laundry machine immediately afterward. Before I go into detail, I will personally admit that I am an INCREDIBLY light sleeper. If I am asleep and my roommate comes home, I will wake up at the sound of the door being unlocked. To make matters worse, we live in a loft together where the sound travels faster than news of a Britney Spears pregnancy. On this disasterly morning, my roommate whom we will refer to as Banana Pudding, was moving out the last of his things out of our loft. We have lived together wonderfully since we first met in November but he is moving on with his life to bigger and better things in Las Vegas. This is all lovely and dandy. But the matter of which he decided to retrieve his belongings in the wee hours of this morning was some of the most disturbing, annoying, and confusing variety I could possibly ever imagine.

         The sound I was awoken with was similar to that of being inside of a movie theatre in Compton during a Tyler Perry movie. Banana Pudding, and a sidekick of his whom I do not really know, decided to burst through the door like a herd of ghetto elephants and proceeded to, at a volume that I am still perplexed by, strut their ignorant selves into his room, grab the suitcases and roll them out the front door. This all happened in about 30 seconds so it couldn't have been that bad right? WRONG! In 30 seconds these two belligerent hoodlums created more of a ruckus than the police breaking up an R.Kelly underage sex party. And all for only one simple reason that could have been  so easily avoided. Banana Pudding when he barged through the door said "Oh Brown and Thin......." I'm assuming to see if I was at home. Here's the thing. My bed is in the corner NEXT TO THE FRONT DOOR! Why are you asking if I'm home when first of all, you can clearly see that I'm lying in my bed next to you and second of all (and more importantly) I'M FUCKING ASLEEP! If you're concerned that you're interrupting my slumber then simply look to see if I'm there and then accommodate that by being respectful and tell your ghetto friend to keep quiet. This friend, might I add, was not talking but SCREAMING on his cell phone. I have seriously never heard anybody in my entire life scream so loud in my life. At first I thought he was yelling at Banana Pudding but by the time they had both grabbed the suitcases and back to the door I saw that he was actually on his phone (which seriously needs to be confiscated). At this point as the friend was leaving I was sitting up on my bed. "Excuse me...." I said in a respectful tone. Looking back, clearly I needed to speak at his volume in order for him to hear me over his catastrophically loud conversation he was heaving on his phone. However, I would not have changed my tone. I refuse to let someone get my blood pressure so high that it turns into a screaming match. Unlike him, I am NOT ghetto and refuse to let his foolish actions turn me into a disrespectful ignorant person like he so clearly displayed.

         I am especially glad that I did not go off on this mystery friend because truly the person I need to be mad at is Banana Pudding! You see, when I'm up, I'm up! There was no going back to sleep after I woke up to the sound of terrorists invading my apartment. As mystery friend left I walked toward the kitchen at an incredibly slow yet angry pace to get some cranberry juice to bring some joy back to my life. On my way, I passed by Banana Pudding. "Oh. I didn't even know you were home" he said to me. I was LITERALLY beside myself. I could not believe his ignorance. What do you mean you didn't know I was home. I SLEEP NEXT TO THE FRONT DOOR! You didn't think to look to your left to see if your bi-racial Canadian roommate was home before parading in with the cast of Boyz in the Hood? Yes you called my name but I was SLEEPING! My gosh! What is wrong with people? Instead of explaining all of this to Banana Pudding, I simply kept on walking to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of delicious cranberry cocktail. I sat down and sipped on my red beverage. Banana Pudding was gone at this point. I simply sat by myself in complete disbelief of what had happened. It was truly unbelievable to me. Then something extraordinary happened. I unexpectedly started to laugh uncontrollably. They say that laughter can often be a byproduct of confusion and utter disbelief. No kidding!

         There truly was no point in getting cross with either Banana Pudding or his comrade. Mr. Pudding moves out officially tomorrow. I will no longer have to deal with that kind of foolishness, or at least from him. If I ever pulled a stunt like that my Grandmother would punch me in the face with a waffle iron if she ever got wind of my being so ignorant and disrespectful. But that really is the thing. The fact is, I was taught to be respectful of other people and their time and their space and their privacy. The ghetto dynamic duo clearly did not learn any of these lessons from their family which actually makes me sad. They obviously didn't purposely awake me from my beauty rest but they for some inexplicable reason had no thought or awareness to be considerate of the fact that they were entering a dwelling where TWO people inhabit the space at an hour that most likely one of which would be asleep. So in these moments of frustration I have to give thanks to Jesus and Moses that I have been so blessed to experience and upbringing that taught me to never act like a hot ghetto mess. This rationalization helps me deal with my anger and frustration and therefore I must also be thankful for the world of blogging. Without which I may have busted a cap in some one's ass this beautiful Saturday morning.

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